Malaysian - out "friendly" Texans

Janet and I had "cultural orientation" from a nice guy (Canadian via way of NYC) subcontracted to Berlitz.  A potential job for me if I decide not to go back to the US.   After three months, not much new but real helpful were some suggestions about different practical approaches to handle some cultural traits we had observed.  For example - as a manager I am often providing ideas/direction and then struggling to get feedback - I am often wrong on the tactics but the end goal is correct (but you need both).  The recommendation is to leave the room and let people discuss in groups without the "boss" there and then come back and ask for group feedback.  I have modified the approach somewhat to give explicit direction on the group formation, the topics, etc - so the key feedback is addressed.  Very helpful.

The major new concept was understanding the three circles of "trust"

1. Inner circle - family - all is forgiven - family against the world
2. Trusted circle - friends - clear hierarchy, everyone knows and is comfortable with their place - as long as you stay in place - you can stay in this circle
3. Other - people who aren't clearly identified in the hierarchy - anything can be done to them - they are invisible

The first two circles seem fairly common (circle 2 definition varies by culture) - family and friends.  The big difference is circle 3.  In the US, circle 3 would be split into two:
     3a. Unknown/potential circle 2 - so effort to be polite (holding doors, have a nice day, smiling, etc)
     3b. Other - people you have prejudices against, enemies, etc - usually smallest circle

So the behavour that drives me (and other westerners crazy) makes some sense

• Hitting the close elevator doors (as opposed to holding them open) when we are walking towards the elevator (happens more to Janet being female)
• Not holding doors
• Not smiling at strangers - acting surprised when I smile (but my charm wins and everyone smiles back)
• Crowding the entrance of door (train, elevator, etc) so people struggle to get out before they can get in
• Standing in public spaces without awareness of anyone else (ends of aisles in grocery stores, bottom or top of elevators, etc)
• Pulling out in traffic, double parking, etc
• Customer indifference with a smile

It also explains the obsession with "branded" goods.  Malaysia has a much higher % of luxury stores than average income can support.  high % of luxury cars, etc.  It signals to everyone that rather than being in the Other category you have high status. Makes sense - especially when you have the mix of races.  As a Westerner (male with grey hair - it's great Asian appreciate the wisdom of age!) - I have high status (or at least that is what I tell myself) so I enjoy challenging the stereotypes. 

• Walk around the mall dressed like I am a backpacker on Malaysia 30 cents/day tour
• Walk up/down the hill with groceries rather than taxi or car
• Continuing to wear my Hawaiian shirts - I've been surprised at how many questioning comments

It has also given me a business idea - how to duplicate www.gilt.com in Malaysia.  Another post coming on the interesting differences on "internet" in Asia vs West.

But given the chance, I have found Malaysians' friendlier than Texans.  As Texans are the friendliest Americans - this is a huge compliment.

• Jess first international flight without dad was coming to KL from Houston.  Huge thunderstorm leaving the US, so the connecting flight Singapore to KL was missed - more drama and she didn't make either of the next two flights and mobiles weren't connecting so parental panic (even dad - usually that is mom's sole responsibility).
• While we were waiting for the third flight - "honest she really is on flight" were we assured after starting to lose face by going ballistic - a Malaysian airline pilot came over and chatted us up.  He had heard our discussions with the counter folks and had done some checking.  
• Eventually all the passengers came out and no Jessica - panic.  So he offers to walk back into baggage and find her.  We gave a description - 5'5" thin, athletic and pale (Janet questioned me on the pale comment).  15 minutes later the two of them wandered out.  He was able to help her with the luggage (that had made the original flight???) and the baggage folks were struggling to find it.
• Apparently he had walked up to her and said"Jessica?" she was surprised but when he said she had some worried parents - it all made sense.  His comment to her was " you don't look that pale - my sister (he was European/Chinese) is paler"
• Jess said people we amazingly helpful - letting her use their mobile phone to try and call - making sure she got the correct gate, etc - she is staying connect to some of them on Facebook.
• Jess, Janet and I were in Penang - looking like lost tourists at the end of a long day (we were) with a malfunctioning GPS trying to find a temple.  A Chinese lady stopped us on the street and tried to give us directions but then gave up and said "come on get in my car and I'll drive you"
•  One of my team in Houston is Chinese-Malaysian and had Janet and I over to her house before we left for KL to give us a feel for Malaysia - very nice and really made a difference for Janet.  Her family (parents and sister/brother-in-law) took us to dinner and then their club for drinks.  It was like we were family.  Just a great time and the food is amazing - I need to learn how to order like a Malaysian - when I eat out with Malaysian the food is 10x better than when I order

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Lesson for me is that while Texans probably treat the general "others" more friendly than Malaysians.  Being in the Malaysian Friends trust circle focus is like Texans treat family.  Pluses and minus on both - I am going to try and adopt both as my approach.  My message on culture (after 3 months of expertise) is picking the best of each culture is better than either by itself.

It's a different style - and while not always, there are plenty of times that Malaysians are friendlier than Texans.